Recovery: The Perfect Mojito

Recovery: The Perfect Mojito

I'm not much for repeated apologies. Once, and sincere, is all I feel is required. Kowtowing repeatedly to the point that your forehead resembles a topographical map of Peru does no one any good. Sincerity is important because empty apologies float about like silver bubbles through the air, translucent and enchanting, but otherwise empty and quick to collapse.

So, my apologies for being gone so long. Honestly and truly.

If it helps I have a reason. That reason being what has now been diagnosed as a disc bulge between my L4 and L5. This in turn has led to a long and currently active regiment of nerve blockers, pain killers, and an irritating physical therapy routine.

It's best to start explaining this problem as humans have historically explained the genesis of so many other problems in their life: I blame it on my mother.

Since I was young she and her brother warned my brother and me about the oncoming back problems we would one day face. Likely, somewhere in our thirties. They both suffered it. Their father suffered it. Their grandfather suffered it. We would suffer it to, unless by some luck we got our father's genes in regards to our spines.

Sadly, that would not be the case.

Photos by Elise Bauer. They are the prettiest.

Photos by Elise Bauer. They are the prettiest.

The first time it went out was after I got off a 25 hour plane ride to Portugal. For days I downed ibuprofen like they were M&M's and for a while even considered going to a hospital and see how practical socialized health care really is. Eventually, the pain subsided, but only after five horrendous days where I attempted to enjoy myself and grit through the pain. (A bonus: I was in so much pain I barely ate for four days and gained an inch back on my waist. So, you know, yay.)

The second time it went out was months later. I was taking a shower and bending over to grab the shampoo and - Boom - out. My husband had to literally pick me up off the shower floor, help me get dressed, load me into the car, and drive me to urgent care where I was given shots to the spine and a host of drugs that Mick Jagger would likely start his day with. We again saw this as a one time event.

The third time it went out, well, we realized there was a pattern and problem. Skip ahead many tests and we now have concluded I have a disc bulge. Essentially, less than a pinched disc. An injury, that with proper treatment, could go away or turn into a full-on pinch. Even if I do my exercises and stretches and take my nerve blockers (which, FYI, knocks out both good and bad feels meaning I can have sex but feel nothing*) my back might decide to go throw a proverbial toaster in the proverbial bathwater and end itself. My body is literally deciding if hara-kiri is a viable option because whythefucknot? More reason to do nothing and binge GoT, right?

Anywhose, that is why I haven't been writing much. I've literally either been sleeping or in too much pain. Also, five weeks of jury duty, but that's another story. With all that what I have been drinking is basically basic daiquiris or uncomplicated G&Ts sometimes sans the T.

But continuing the trend of sending you off to other websites to read my work I once again implore you to go to Simply Recipes to read about mojitos. Now, yes, you say you know how to make a mojito. Thing is you're wrong. Your method is wrong. I know how to make it better where you taste the flavors more intensely and don't have a fucking salad in your glass.

So go there, learn, and make better mojitos.

Cheers.

-G

*physically, not emotionally, just to be clear

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