Pick Up Line Fail (Or Win): Ashen One

Pick Up Line Fail (Or Win): Ashen One

"Excuse me?"

He saddles up next to me in the bar.

"Are you a washing machine?" he says. His smile, though charming and terribly perfect, fails at hiding the likely regrettable punchline behind it.

At the moment my friend is using the restroom so I am at the bar alone with my thoughts and a few thousand people on Instagram. I give him a once over. Tall, well-dressed, with a handsome if not utterly pretty look that makes me think of a young Desi Arnaz but dressed in J. Crew. He falls into my range of types, but I'm not looking and the slick demeanor that pours out from him would require too much cheap vodka for me to overlook.

I'm loathe to respond. "I don't want to hear the end of this do -"

"Because I'd like to put my dirty load in you."

And I threw my drink in his face. Except no I didn't because I will not waste much needed-alcohol that is required to rinse my brain out. However, the shady look I threw as I wordlessly got up and moved to the patio? Withering.


The thing you need to wash your brain out.

The thing you need to wash your brain out.

Ashen One

Points if you get the reference to this one. The Ashen One is sort of a agave take on tiki method, layering multiple agave-based spirits to make one greater cocktail. I've personally found that tequila and mezcal on their own are not my thing, but layered into cocktails makes them so sultry. Here, tequila blanco, mezcal, and a reposado infused with roasted peaches and jalapenos come together with citrus and smoked salt to make a smokey, fruity drink that has serious depth.

More than one may also end with you dying. Best enjoyed next to a bonfire.

What You'll Need:

  • smoked salt
  • 3/4 ounce tequila blanco
  • 3/4 ounce lime juice
  • 1/2 ounce triple sec
  • 1/2 ounce peach and jalapeno reposado (see below)
  • 1/2 ounce mezcal (I used vida)
  • 2 shakes Angostura bitters

What You'll Do:

Wet the rim of a coupe glass with a lime. Place smoked salt into a small dish and place the glass upside-down in the salt to rim it.

Place the liquid ingredients in an ice-filled shaker and shake it like the controller after an area boss has killed you yet again. (AND I DIDN'T EVEN SPEND THE 60,000 SOULS I HAD GODDAMNIT!) Double strain into the glass and serve.


Roasted Peach and Jalapeno Reposado Tequila

If you can get your hands on the very last peaches and chiles of the season then this is a worthwhile endeavor. Fruity and spicy, it's a wonderful mixer for any cocktail.

What You'll Need:

  • 2 peaches, peeled and cut into wedges, stones removed
  • 1 jalapeno, seeded and cut into quarters
  • 750 ml reposado tequila

What You'll Do:

Roast the produce under a broiler or on the grill until they have a nice bit of char on them. Place in a glass, airtight container with the tequila and place in a dry, dark place. After 1 day remove the jalapeno. Let sit for 6 more days. Strain through several layers of cheesecloth and pour into a bottle. Will keep for a few months in a dry, dark place.

Nerds: Susan Foreman

Nerds: Susan Foreman

Stewards of Spirits: Cascara Champagne Cocktail

Stewards of Spirits: Cascara Champagne Cocktail